"If you want to hitch your wagon to a star, enlist the help of a driver, a wheelwright and an astronomer"  Victoria Moran

The quote above is from a lovely thumb-eared book I have, called A Charmed Life.  Its one of those lovely little books I can't even remember how it came into my life.  It sits next to the bath, & I randomly open it to a pithy essay which often offers wisdom, relevant to my life at the time.

I have been cogitating about how and when I ask for help.  How I feel about needing support Especially after reading the organic sister's thought provoking blog.  I have succumbed to the societal belief asking for help as sign of weakness.  That I should be super woman. 
I fell prey to this especially badly after my second birth.  In my attempt to be earthmama superwoman I became very ill with post natal exhaustion and depression.  It took a long time to rebuild myself back to strength.  I gave myself a hard time for not wearing my baby as much as I felt I should be.  In this case the internet made me feel inadequate, as I thought other people seemed to be managing attachment parenting better than I was, on bulletin boards and the like.  It took me some time to realise that I was not other people, and that my second child was very heavy.  At 8 months he weighed what my daughter had at 18 months! 
I had to ask for help.  From my GP, my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband.  I got it and made it through without having to go onto anti-depressants which I really didn't want to take as I was nursing.  My GP got me a counsellor very quickly, which was amazing.  In asking for help, I had to admit my failures as superwoman, supermum.  Thankgoodness!  I really didn't need that one to live up to! And like with my miscarriage, suddenly I found out that so many people I knew had suffered too. 

Which makes me wonder, why do we pretend to have it all sorted?  I know I am guilty of trying to look like I know my top from my bottom.  Sometimes I do know.  Which makes it harder to admit when I don't.  And why, knowing what I now know, I still look from the outside at someone's life and think they have it all sewn up.  That its just me that's floundering around like a upturned ladybird.  So silly!

There is so much help available to achieve my dreams, all I need to do is ask nicely!

All gone!

This weekend, my dear sweet seven year old boy and beloved husband, went for the boy's first proper haircut.  Yes, dear friends, all those lovely curls.
From this

To this...

Oh my, I hardly recognise him.  He is however, rather proud of himself & enjoyed the whole initiation experience with his Daddy.  In the bath to wash his hair before leaving, he looked very pensive & a bit aprehensive.  Quote heard just before he left.  'Daddy, y'know that buzzy thing that she takes your hair off with at the back, Does it hurt?'

The new haircut entailed further Father/Son bonding.  The ritual of The Hair Gel.

Camps over!

My ecourse has come to an end and I feel bereft!  Well, the campfire part of it has finished but luckily I can still do the workshops at  my leisure throughout April.  Hurrah.

One I have completed is the Intuitive Vision Cards, with Jamie Ridler.

After a guided visualisation to choose my themes, I got to pulling out images for my chosen words.

Love, Creativity, Womanhood.

I loved doing a meditation before starting on my collaging.  There have been a few in the workshops on this course & I am loving the way they inform my artwork.  How I feel deeper connected to my soul before I spill out my creative juices onto the page.

No prizes for guessing this one is Creativity!

Womanhood

And of course love

These cards have been activated with wishes on the back & are sitting on my altar.  Hopefully drawing all their yummy goodness my way...

WishBig eCamp

I am currently taking my very first eCourse.  Oh boy, I could get addicted to this!  I am struggling to fit stuff in everyday, but luckily Mindy from WishStudio who as set it all up, is leaving the classes up for a few weeks yet so I can catch up.  I love the idea that its a camp & that we gather round a 'virtual' fire & share via the comments section.

I love that there are so many fabulous teachers doing their wondrous stuff.  I just know that I am going to want to take each of their in-depth ecourses!  We kicked off the week with Darrah Parkers photography element.  Part of which involved taking pictures of what mattered to us.  The little details around our house.

I then did this exercise with Bini as she was off school for the day.  I loved seeing her pictures... there were rather a few of my ipod!  But also tons of her sweet baby brother who loves to pull a pose or two.

So, if Mindy puts this on again, I can wholeheartedly recommend it.  Am off now to do another workshop!

Point to Point

Well, another Saturday.  Another comfort zone gently expanded. 

We were offered tickets to go to a Point to Point through my Beloved's work.  Instead of lethargically saying no thanks we decided to give a joyful YES.  So dragging along some reluctant children who eventually came round, we drove off to spend the day in the open air.  And guess what?  I had a ball again!  Hurrah for expanding my comfort zone.

We even got to watch from the centre of the circuit.  One of the riders fell off in front of us at a fence which was rather scary.  He closed himself up into the smallest ball whilst the other horses thundered around him.  Then he unfurled slowly and got up.  Boy was I relieved to see that.  Winded but not wounded.
I was busy keeping my boys safe at the time but my daughter managed to catch a slightly blurred picture of the moment of falling.

We inexpertly attempted betting & won one of the races, thanks to this able team.

Thanks guys, you paid for our icecreams! 

Quite an exhilarating day.  Oh and did I mention there was candyfloss.  Candy Floss, people.  That gloriously sticky pink stuff.  How could it have been a bad day?!

All that Jazz...

Saturday night I decided at very last minute to expand my comfort zone and fixed ideas about what I like.  So reading the kids story at breakneck speed, I legged it out the door.  I took myself to an all girls jazz orchestra concert held in a local 13th Century church.  A fund raiser to help with repairs & replacing the lead the thiefs keep stealing. 

Well.  I feel expanded into someone who has danced to a jazz concert.  I had a great time, a total ball.  Not least because I was OUT!  I didn't know anyone there except one of the musicians was a fellow allotmenteer.  I was the only one dancing the entire time, so I suspect they might know me next time!

So I will no longer say that I don't like Jazz.  I think I like it Live.  It won't replace my love affair with a Folky Fiddle band.  Or a scruffy acoustic guitar player to fall in love with.  But it was fabulous energetic fun & I am rather proud of myself for pulling myself out of my small world & making it bigger.

Full moon Dream board

Last night I stayed up rather later than intented making a dream board for the full moon.  It turned out that I had more in me than I expected & made an enormous flipchart sized collage.  Jamie Ridler calls it the Full Worm Moon.  Looking it up in the UK it is also know Celtically as Moon of Winds.  (Which reminds me to make sure the allotment greenhouse is fully tied down!)

As I only made the board last night, it is still seeping into my conciousness.  I have stuck it to the dining room wall to sink into my awareness.  As Jamie suggested I tried to make it fairly intuitively.  The words LIGHT UP gave me a jolt, so they had to go right in the middle.

Here's hoping for some lovely energy coming my way & exploring the depths in a gentle way!