"If you want to hitch your wagon to a star, enlist the help of a driver, a wheelwright and an astronomer" Victoria Moran
The quote above is from a lovely thumb-eared book I have, called A Charmed Life. Its one of those lovely little books I can't even remember how it came into my life. It sits next to the bath, & I randomly open it to a pithy essay which often offers wisdom, relevant to my life at the time.
I have been cogitating about how and when I ask for help. How I feel about needing support Especially after reading the organic sister's thought provoking blog. I have succumbed to the societal belief asking for help as sign of weakness. That I should be super woman.
I fell prey to this especially badly after my second birth. In my attempt to be earthmama superwoman I became very ill with post natal exhaustion and depression. It took a long time to rebuild myself back to strength. I gave myself a hard time for not wearing my baby as much as I felt I should be. In this case the internet made me feel inadequate, as I thought other people seemed to be managing attachment parenting better than I was, on bulletin boards and the like. It took me some time to realise that I was not other people, and that my second child was very heavy. At 8 months he weighed what my daughter had at 18 months!
I had to ask for help. From my GP, my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband. I got it and made it through without having to go onto anti-depressants which I really didn't want to take as I was nursing. My GP got me a counsellor very quickly, which was amazing. In asking for help, I had to admit my failures as superwoman, supermum. Thankgoodness! I really didn't need that one to live up to! And like with my miscarriage, suddenly I found out that so many people I knew had suffered too.
Which makes me wonder, why do we pretend to have it all sorted? I know I am guilty of trying to look like I know my top from my bottom. Sometimes I do know. Which makes it harder to admit when I don't. And why, knowing what I now know, I still look from the outside at someone's life and think they have it all sewn up. That its just me that's floundering around like a upturned ladybird. So silly!
There is so much help available to achieve my dreams, all I need to do is ask nicely!