Friday, 8 April 2011

"If you want to hitch your wagon to a star, enlist the help of a driver, a wheelwright and an astronomer"  Victoria Moran

The quote above is from a lovely thumb-eared book I have, called A Charmed Life.  Its one of those lovely little books I can't even remember how it came into my life.  It sits next to the bath, & I randomly open it to a pithy essay which often offers wisdom, relevant to my life at the time.

I have been cogitating about how and when I ask for help.  How I feel about needing support Especially after reading the organic sister's thought provoking blog.  I have succumbed to the societal belief asking for help as sign of weakness.  That I should be super woman. 
I fell prey to this especially badly after my second birth.  In my attempt to be earthmama superwoman I became very ill with post natal exhaustion and depression.  It took a long time to rebuild myself back to strength.  I gave myself a hard time for not wearing my baby as much as I felt I should be.  In this case the internet made me feel inadequate, as I thought other people seemed to be managing attachment parenting better than I was, on bulletin boards and the like.  It took me some time to realise that I was not other people, and that my second child was very heavy.  At 8 months he weighed what my daughter had at 18 months! 
I had to ask for help.  From my GP, my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband.  I got it and made it through without having to go onto anti-depressants which I really didn't want to take as I was nursing.  My GP got me a counsellor very quickly, which was amazing.  In asking for help, I had to admit my failures as superwoman, supermum.  Thankgoodness!  I really didn't need that one to live up to! And like with my miscarriage, suddenly I found out that so many people I knew had suffered too. 

Which makes me wonder, why do we pretend to have it all sorted?  I know I am guilty of trying to look like I know my top from my bottom.  Sometimes I do know.  Which makes it harder to admit when I don't.  And why, knowing what I now know, I still look from the outside at someone's life and think they have it all sewn up.  That its just me that's floundering around like a upturned ladybird.  So silly!

There is so much help available to achieve my dreams, all I need to do is ask nicely!

2 comments:

  1. I really relate to this! It's amazing how many people are soldiering on trying to keep too many balls in the air and feeling that everyone else is really sorted.....
    xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I know what you mean... I still find it hard to ask, silly really. Especially when you think that being a super anything is incredibly over-rated and wearing pants over your tights, well that's just daft!
    A wonderfully honest post petal, thanks x

    ReplyDelete