Friday, 8 April 2011

"If you want to hitch your wagon to a star, enlist the help of a driver, a wheelwright and an astronomer"  Victoria Moran

The quote above is from a lovely thumb-eared book I have, called A Charmed Life.  Its one of those lovely little books I can't even remember how it came into my life.  It sits next to the bath, & I randomly open it to a pithy essay which often offers wisdom, relevant to my life at the time.

I have been cogitating about how and when I ask for help.  How I feel about needing support Especially after reading the organic sister's thought provoking blog.  I have succumbed to the societal belief asking for help as sign of weakness.  That I should be super woman. 
I fell prey to this especially badly after my second birth.  In my attempt to be earthmama superwoman I became very ill with post natal exhaustion and depression.  It took a long time to rebuild myself back to strength.  I gave myself a hard time for not wearing my baby as much as I felt I should be.  In this case the internet made me feel inadequate, as I thought other people seemed to be managing attachment parenting better than I was, on bulletin boards and the like.  It took me some time to realise that I was not other people, and that my second child was very heavy.  At 8 months he weighed what my daughter had at 18 months! 
I had to ask for help.  From my GP, my mother, my mother-in-law, my husband.  I got it and made it through without having to go onto anti-depressants which I really didn't want to take as I was nursing.  My GP got me a counsellor very quickly, which was amazing.  In asking for help, I had to admit my failures as superwoman, supermum.  Thankgoodness!  I really didn't need that one to live up to! And like with my miscarriage, suddenly I found out that so many people I knew had suffered too. 

Which makes me wonder, why do we pretend to have it all sorted?  I know I am guilty of trying to look like I know my top from my bottom.  Sometimes I do know.  Which makes it harder to admit when I don't.  And why, knowing what I now know, I still look from the outside at someone's life and think they have it all sewn up.  That its just me that's floundering around like a upturned ladybird.  So silly!

There is so much help available to achieve my dreams, all I need to do is ask nicely!


  1. I really relate to this! It's amazing how many people are soldiering on trying to keep too many balls in the air and feeling that everyone else is really sorted.....

  2. I know what you mean... I still find it hard to ask, silly really. Especially when you think that being a super anything is incredibly over-rated and wearing pants over your tights, well that's just daft!
    A wonderfully honest post petal, thanks x